Surgical rotation

I was meant to keep you all (my small, minute number of readers) up-to-date with what's going on in my third year but it seems that life and the roller-coaster which is medicine, has once again run away with me and I am left - 5 weeks into the semester, already - wondering where the fuck has the time gone?

My first rotation has been surgery and it has been a major cultural, social, educational and emotional shock to the system. It is, as stereotypically described, 'the jock' club or the boys brigade of medicine; and they all have egos-the size of planets. I haven't experienced any of the other rotations yet - as each is 7 weeks long, but I assure you, being medical students makes you the most insignificant, invisible individual in the entire hospital. If you don't get paid by QLD Health than get out of the way, stand with your back against the wall and say 'sorry', 'please' and 'thank you' to everyone, regardless of the scenario.

One of my last journal entries also talks about retaining the information that I was taught in the first two years of medicine - that has also failed to help me. In fact, surgeons are SO intense and intimidating that regardless of whether I know the answer - my entire my mouth fails to operate and I seem to always be left with the words - 'I don't know'.

I've also discovered that the idea that 'surgeon's know only how to cut and don't know any theory' is the biggest lie on the planet and I don't know why it was passed around. I can imagine it was some cruel game of 'Chinese Whispers' between medical students, but honestly - it's not helping anyone... especially not me, at this current moment.

Intern: They think it's possibly gout and patient X says he has a previous history of gout.
Surgical Registrar A (to myself and student B): What are the crystals characteristic in gout?
Me: Urate crystals?
SRA: Yeah... but what kind of urate crystals?
Me: What kind...? There are kinds? Gout crystals?!
SRA: What type of SODIUM crystals?
Me: Sodium urate?
SRA (gives me a look): Look it up.
*Me/StudentB quickly look it up in our trusty handbook*: Monosodium urate crystals.
Later - when the SRA and I are standing at the nurses station.
Same intern as before: The infectious diseases guy say that it's pseudogout.
Me (thinking): Oh god... please don't ask me what I think you're going to ask me!
SRA (begins turning towards me): What type o-
Me: Don't even think about asking me that?!

My Registrar looked before incredulous and disheartened, which he can do because even though he's probably the best teacher I have had in the hospital and he's only 5.4ft he's also INCREDIBLY intimidating. I wonder if I was ever that intimidating, or did the extra 2 inches I grew make me average in all ways?

But! Despite all the intimidation and the constant internal wailing that goes on during this rotation, I have learnt 100, no 1000 times more in the last 5 weeks than you could ever hope to learn in university. I've also managed to put in 2 successful IVs, take bloods successfully from every patient who I've approached and filled out pathology forms.

It's been exciting, exhilarating and I've enjoyed coming home on the rare occasions to be proud of the day that I've spent in the hospital, the procedures that I've seen and the knowledge that I've gained... But right now, it so doesn't outweigh an alarm going off at 5am every morning!